Sunday, February 27, 2005


Clear blue waters of Cayangan lake Posted by Hello Click to enlarge

posted by Rik | 2/27/2005 01:27:00 PM

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Rik
Soon after I arrived in Laguna as an expatriate, I discovered your blog. Now I have a few more weeks experience of the place, it is good to have a chance to write to or alongside you.

I was really interested to read your material and I learned several new things from it. At the time it did not seem as if your site was very active, but now you are putting fresh things on and getting some responses. Good on you, and I enjoy your writing. Of course we have a lot of differences, and this may add some variety to your blog, but that can only be good I think.

It would be good to hear from others in similar situations to yours and now mine. I am an accompanying spouse to my wife from Australia who has a contract here. At this stage we expect to be here for just 3 years, and our conditions are typically ‘Expatriate’ as in having employer-provided housing and transport. We are probably extraordinarily spoilt compared to others who make this their personal choice of permanent residence, apart from those who do so with considerable personal wealth.

Also, we have grown offspring living in other places, which means we have to allocate certain holidays to seeing them, which will rob us of some ability to explore these luxuriant islands of the Republic of Philippines.

I am in my early 50’s and married to a high skilled scientist just 4 years my junior. We have known each other for just over a year in which time we married and moved countries, accompanied also by my wife’s daughter age 16. I had a small business in Australia which was going to be our second income, since my wife is clearly the principle breadwinner.

Incidentally, she was born in New Zealand so has dual Aussie-NZ citizenship and I was born in South Africa, and am still a citizen there, but permanent resident in Australia, and both now temporary (year at a time) foreign worker residents in RP. I wonder some times if it is a worry to not have an embassy of one’s country in this one. South Africa’s nearest commission is in Singapore, I think. The other thing to complete the picture is that we are both of British descent, going way back. But we stand out here, because we are both very white-skinned, tall, slim, and my wife has curly blond hair and blue eyes. You can imagine, Rik, how we stand out in a shopping mall. I often feel like we are a pair of either famous stars, or unfamous freaks, the way people look at us. More positive stuff on this later.

I was going to look for formal employment here, but we now feel one main income is adequate, and I am happy to do some freelance and paid writing, some for my wife’s employer. Commuting to Manila from anywhere but Manila is just a nightmare. We are only 60km out, but it can take an hour just to reach the South Luzon Expressway. Then there is the traffic in Manila to negotiate. It would take a lot of Dollars to make that worth doing.

So not that my wife has started to like the idea of me being at home, and I am able to assist a lot with housekeeping and driving, and can now at the same time make a few bucks writing, it seems at last that I have landed the right way up for a change!

Your views on Western and Filipino women of course are very interesting, and no doubt though-provoking and controversial. My wife fits some of your description, but not all. She is fairly demanding and I had issues initially with the ‘controlling’ that you mention, but we have found that in a new marriage, this probably comes from both sides, so we are both working on this to increase peace and reduce stress. But my wife is extremely loving and our relationship is passionate and intense. Of course there are battles of wills, but we work through these things in quiet voices, even though we say some pretty candid things to each other periodically.

Your experience of other women is also something to which I can relate, Rik. I was perhaps really bad compared to you, in that I messed around while married to my first wife of 24 years. You were apparently a single chap, sailing the world, and seeking comfort in ports. I had no need other than that I allowed myself to become addicted to seduction, so went outside my otherwise enjoyable marriage. My marriage eventually broke up when it was revealed that I had cheated, and the breakup was so bad it brought me to my senses about my addiction. So now after a lot of help I am free of addiction and with a wonderful woman who accepts my past and wants me to be totally faithful as do I in turn and expect the same of her.

Which is where your comments about Filipino ladies comes in. My wife has heard a few stories along the lines you wrote about Filipino women going after western men like we were all money bags. So a big job of mine is to allay this insecurity and not do anything that can feed her fear that I will fall prey to the wiles of local women.

For starters, we have a home helper who cooks, irons and does some cleaning for us. Of course my wife was terrified I might get interested in this lady. But I find it easy to keep my distance, and it seems she is happily married to someone who I think is also a foreigner, so that would also help. While she is quite lovely, even in her late forties, I am pleased to report that there is no interest between us. Her behavior is totally above board and appropriate, for which I highly commend her.

When it comes to strangers, I am having a few experiences that could be flattering at my age, but to know about what you wrote, on top of warnings from others, really put me off wanting these women. Sometimes I can hardly avoid eye-contact with women in malls and shops, because naturally people here look at me as different, and I find them different to look at too. So curious glances may be exchanged.

People generally here are intrigued by us, both male and female. Almost whenever we walk into a business, we get greeted by male and female staff with a very friendly ‘Morning Ma’am, morning Sir!’ which makes us feel very welcome. It is wonderful and a great cause of admiration for such friendliness, which can also be rather good for business, since I guess we are expected to spend dollars which go a good distance here. So while again it may be related to perceptions of wealth, it comes across genuinely, and one would want any employee one might engage in commerce to behave like this to customers. So it is really good.

Once so far it went a bit off good taste, though, I thought. I was shopping alone in a small shop off a crowded street. Not in a fancy part of town or mall. Mostly there were girls in the shop, some working there, some seemingly just hanging out there, in this stationer, strangely. I was struggling to describe what I needed, as the assistants did not speak English. Eventually a slightly more senior looking girl with some better English asked me what I wanted. Even she battled because like everywhere else where I had enquired about this commodity, it was not in stock. I was looking for a cardboard tube for posting a rolled poster via the mail. My attempts at describing this tube in English were increasingly attracting giggles amongst the girls in the shop. As I went around the shop trying to point out similar objects and look closer at shelves, several of them were eyeing me ever so sweetly, and would have held my gaze, if I had gazed, I am sure. And these were people young enough to be my daughter (a fact which mercifully has always caused me to take no interest). Eventually the young woman said, ‘I have a tube for you, and you can have it at no charge’. It was intentionally ambiguous. The girls all burst out laughing, and naughtily it seemed to me. She went to a dark corner of the store and retrieved a few cardboard tubes in which the shop had received items. They were due for disposal, but she found just the size for my need. I complimented her on the find. She and the girls probably felt that she was making headway with me.

To compensate for the item on which there was no price, I decided to purchase a Tagalog-English/English-Tagalog dictionary from them. The assistant just became more and more friendly, asking my name, giving hers, shaking my hand, asking where I lived, and saying I must please come back to the store. All the girls looked on unashamedly in admiration, because her language skills were getting her along with a foreigner.

In my addiction days, I might well have sought every opportunity to visit this store, or engineer similar situations elsewhere. The ‘glad eyes’ I received seemed to indicate I could have had my pick. But now I view it as inappropriate behavior, a bit like the unwanted catcalls of prostitutes I once heard on a visit to Paris. I have to be real and realize these young things are just poor and could do with a few dollars in exchange for a few moments of pleasure that can ruin my whole life again.

On another occasion, I stepped out of a store, nearly missing a fairly good-looking woman, probably in her 30’s. Immediately she said quite audibly and with a most friendly smile, ‘Hello!’. I just greeted back and walked on, but it would have been an opening to say, ‘Got a moment for a cup of coffee with me?’ Perhaps I am going to have to do what western beauties do, just keep my eyes to the ground and permanently avoid eye-contact. Pity, because I really enjoy looking at different people, I find them interesting, without sexual interest of course. I dare not venture out without my wife to a night spot.

This would not normally be my regular practice in Australia but occasionally it is pleasant to go out and meet a few locals and get the low down. Here it seems it would be to set myself up for obvious unwanted attention. It is sad to think that my friendly response could be just the opening a lot of poverty stricken young women would dream of to assist them escape their limited opportunities here.

I had better get off this now and post the item. It already may be too long.

Good luck Rik. I would be interested to hear from you. My email is luckyme499@hotmail.com

April 24, 2005  

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