Expatriates in the Philippines

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Five peso coin. Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge


Jim E. has written to ETP quite a few times. His early ‘MALE CALL’ messages appear on this site. Most, however, I received at my private email address. Jim has suffered mostly from a jealously problem. His wife apparently is insecure and constantly accuses him of having affairs – even if he went to the store to buy a few items, then returned home in a short time. Her ranting has caused Jim no end of trouble and heartache.
Jim has come close to throwing away his Honey Ko, even as he contemplates retiring within a few years in the RP. There are issues of propertyin the RP in his wife's name, and I’m sure Jim E. is concerned about it. As was noted before; RP property is held in the citizen’s name – in this case, Jim's wife – and the foreign spouse in fact has no rights regarding property, in spite of the fact that he will most likely have paid for it in full from his own pocket. That’s something future retiree’s need to be clear in understanding. Spending all of your savings on property in your wife’s name could put you in the poor house. You will be dealing with the laws of the RP, not the U.S. legal system. If your wife is scamming you, or later gets angry with you and decides to seek vengeance by selling all of the RP assets you paid for, she’d be within her rights to sell-off everything, and wouldn’t be required to give you a single peso. It might be in your best interest to wait for any number of years before you buy anything. Renting property might be a good option for you until you feel certain that your Honey Ko really loves you and will protect you – even from her. You can always write a will giving everything to your Honey Ko upon your death. That way you will protect yourself while you’re still living, and protect her from poverty once you’re gone.
Jim has long been afflicted with control and manipulation issues instigated by his wife. Jim has made attempts to gain control over his wife. Whether he’s been successful is still in question. Reading his earlier MALE CALL messages will help you to understand his plight more clearly.
Here’s what Jim E. had to write recently:

Well, Mahal has gone back to her old tricks, and so we had a quick and definite conversation that ended with her wondering "What will I do now?"
I'm probably too soft a touch, but I gave her ONE more chance, and tried to impress on her that all she really has to do is to flush her mind clean, and remember that I am faithful, and have always been so, and will continue to be. That she cannot use accusations to manipulate nor control me, and so must stop trying. I had gotten her the reservation to the RP, and told her to send her balikbayan boxes (boxes filled with goods and taken back to one’s home country: ETP). She has characteristically not saved any money from her job, so can't send her boxes, and she wants me to send them for her, which I am not willing to do. So, perhaps this will settle the problem - at least for me. This was day before yesterday.

Your story about the Jollibee is great! I got a real laugh out of it and (it's) certainly food for thought! More and more I'm seeing the importance of going to the RP and finding one's Honey Ko, and getting to know her and her family and their situation.
I've been truly schocked by Mahal's children regarding helping me to protect what is really theirsfrom intrusive attack and removal (of hardwood trees). That's the kind of thing one needs to be on site to know. I'm going to put a caveat on my Philippinaprincess.com website to that effect, letting all know that it's not a good idea to just contact someone and then go to marry them right away!
Give my best to Celine. She's a treasure, as you surely know!

… as I described in my e-mail, Mahal has gone back to her old ways.
And we have had a good "set-to" about it. She accused me of buying a house for one of my customers who just happens to be a woman. That's a really stupid thing to accuse me of, since I can't just "rip off" $70,000 from my savings and give it to some unknown woman. Anyway, I lost my temper and told her to get her stuff packed for the coming trip to the RP. Then I went on-line and looked up the NWA (North West Airlines) schedule for flights from Orlando to Manila and presented them to her. I told her to ship-by-sea all the Balikbayan boxes she has been accumulating recently so they would be there waiting for her when she arrived. Needless to say, we went round-and-round for about 3 minutes, at which time I told her the conversation was closed. Her comment was "What will I do now?". My answer was that I don't care what she does, as long as she is out of my house and life ASAP.After a couple of hours, I (perhaps foolishly) relented, and told her that if she is satisfied with her life as it is, with me, here in the USA, all she has to do is to flush the garbage out of her mind, PERMANENTLY and never again make any such accusations! The rest of her (and my) faults can be dealt with, as of now. One of her Filipina girlfriend’s, married to another American was here, and I asked Mahal not to wear a particular ring to do her work or to take to her job. The ring in question is a 3/4 carat Canary Diamond Brilliant in a 14K gold fish-tail mounting, and the stone could be easily lost doing menial work at the job, or in the garden here at home. It was given to her by my mother, before she died, and came from my great-grandmother. (her engagement ring from my great-grandfather) When Mahal objected, her friend "got on her" in Tagalog, and told her she must obey her husband first, and that the ring has such family sentimental value that she (the friend) thought I was right. Mahal took it off, and casually put it in her apron pocket, to which I immediately objected, and told her to take it to her jewelry box and put it away properly - with agreement by her friend. She did all that, but I don't see it, now that she is gone to work. I'll have to deal with that some more, but we can work that out. Her children have reported to me several times that their half-uncle has been cutting hardwood trees on our property in Siay, and selling them. I responded that they should take some action with the Police and the DENR there in Ipil. The response I got was that "It's a long way from Pagadian, and I only have a motorcycle, and it's raining, and I don't have the money for gas, and I have a lot to do at home, etc. etc. etc..." This when I have made it abundantly clear that in the end, it's their property, and that they are being "ripped off", and the plans and provisions their grandfather made for them are being taken away! Mahal and I will probably use two or three of the trees to build a house with. The rest are for the children's use! But the uncle is clear-cutting, and has burned over half of the Cocoanut trees I have had planted, so as to plant rice or other crops. I'm shocked! Do they think I'm going to fly out there, solve the problem, and then fly home? As of today, that would be $1,400, or P78,260, just for air fare! To give them credit, they haven't asked for money to get the job done, at least up to now. And I have "No Personality" in the matter, anyway, not being a citizen of the RP. And so life goes on... sometimes good, sometimes tiresome, but in the end result, life is what we make of it. I have resigned myself to just not thinking about the land at Siay, until I get there, and then taking whatever action is needed to solve the problem permanently.I like the changes you've made to ETP, with the new medallion and the photo with the Male Call portions. Keep up the good work!

Hi, Jim, and thanks for once again for writing to ETP. I hate to rain on your parade, but the issue of Mahal “going back to her old tricks again,” is probably not her fault so much as yours. Mahal’s just doing what comes natural to her. You, however, are still enabling her to continue with her bad behavior. I can’t help but feel that you treat her very nicely as soon as you think you have things under control – reverting back to your usual kindness. She only interprets that as her opportunity to do what she wants. In training Mahal you must make it a 24-hour-a-day job; and you must keep at it for a long, long time. She’s set in her ways, and she liked the way things were. Why should she change now just because you’re made some verbal statements about changes? Words may get your idea across to her, but actions are going to either create the desired effects or show you that she has no intention of becoming a better, more obedient wife to you.
There are ways, and then there are ways to accomplish the same thing...
In another part of your message you wrote, “I asked Mahal not to wear a particular ring…” You asked, Jim. You didn’t tell her, “ You’re not allowed to wear that ring when you work outside… you will always put it here…” If you want to be obeyed you must calmly order her to do what you want. You don’t need to say it in a mean voice, but just be absolute in your demands. Asking will get you zip- zero - including respect.
“I’m probably too soft a touch,” you wrote. Usually when someone makes a statement such as that, they’re saying, “I AM too soft a touch.” Mahal sees that, if you don’t.
Have you wondered why Mahal, “…accused me of buying a house for one of my (female) customers(?)” I wonder what motivated that statement? What’s the purpose behind the words? If nothing else, I would think that she’s still fighting for dominance. If that’s the reason, then she still believes you can be manipulated – which shows that you haven’t asserted your dominance effectively. I know you want to be a nice and good person from your personal beliefs and volunteer bible work, and you’re probably trying to follow the teaching of Jesus to ‘love others… turn the other cheek, etc. But the bible also speaks volumns about the behavior of men and women, husbands and wives; more specifically abouthow women should behave with their husbands, and how women were punished for disobedience. The Bible speaks often to training, obedience and punishment. Try to view your marriage in context of bible teaching as well through common sense and a historical cultural flow like a river of experience and wisdom passed down through the millennia. There’s a purpose behind all that past experience of thousands of generations of relationships and marriages. To turn everything on it’s head for the sake of the current, popular Big Father model of all authority belonging to a mindless government bureaucracy is, well… mindless. It’s the same problem with the current government's attempts to regulate sexual behavior and morality. No amount of laws will make people stop doing what they’re bodies are genetically programmed and prioritized to do. To tell us to "Just say NO" is to say we’re just so stupid, we believe we can write laws governing biology and have them be obeyed.

Your biggest obstacle, after yourself, is the crazy system of laws in the USA that strip you of your right to demand a wife that works on your behalf, but instead encourages her to work against you. The only way you can gain control over her is to literally control her. It would be good practice for both of you before moving to the RP. You can begin (again) by telling her that she must ask permission to do anything – just as if she were living in the RP. That means going to the neighbor’s house or to the 7-11, as well as asking permission to leave to go to her place of work. That’s the custom in the RP. Are you going to allow her to behave as she wishes once you’re both here? Will she just be an American woman living in a foreign country? I can’t help but think that when you first married Mahal, you were wanting a Filipina-style and not an American-style wife. But you wrote that you trained her to be an equal and have the freedoms of an American woman. Well, American women believe they are more equal than the men. And they’re free from having to answer to you in any way or fashion. Did you get what you wanted?
You write that Mahal saved no money from her job, and yet she has lots of Balikbayan boxes. Who are they going to, and what’s inside? It’s all give-aways to relatives and friends, right? Who paid for the gifts? Have you considered telling her that she can no longer send boxes to the RP? Again, you’re enabling Mahal to do as she wishes, by spending and living off of your money, giving gifts away, and all the while disobeying you and making you miserable.
Is she hurting you, or are you hurting yourself?
She should be asking you permission to fill and send those boxes.

Permission – permission – permission!

It’s your responsibility to make certain to always remind, reprimand or punish her if she neglects to ask for permission. Letting it slide, even one time because your ‘tired’ and don’t want to bother or to argue, means you aren’t interested enough to do your own job ‘properly’.
I noticed that you are now using the word ‘proper’ to emphasize how her behavior should be. That’s good. But you also must behave properly in meeting your responsibilities to train her. Somehow, you need to find a way to do that within the laws you are living under. Because of those U.S. laws giving rights only to the State, it may be too late for you to make any lasting change in Mahal.
If you were already living in the RP, there would be no problem. A poorly behaved wife gets beaten with the approval of the mother and father, the rest of the family and neighbors. Even the police will most often look the other way if they know the circumstances that brought on the beating were because of a misbehaving wife. Getting drunk and beating your wife can land you in jail, though even that is not so common.
One man, the husband of Celine’s aunt Jennifer and the mayor of a town in Mindanao, went so far as to put his wife into a 55-gallon drum and kept her there for days. Knowing what I do about Jennifer, she got less than she deserved. But that’s a story for a later time.
Spanking is your best bet. It would be difficult to have you put in jail – even in the USA – for spanking your wife. Then again, thinking how the current American government is busy chipping away at everyone’s individual’s rights and becoming ‘Big Father,’ to all, I wouldn’t assume anything anymore. You could pre-empt her by telling her that she must accept her training and punishment, and that she would very much regret bringing in the authorities and making trouble for you in the USA once you’ve moved to the RP. Or unless she quietly submits to your authority you’ll “throw her away for being a worthless woman,” and she’d lose everything - so she would return to the RP with nothing but her personal possessions – and you will get a woman who wants to be your woman and a ‘proper’ wife.
There’s always the method of purchasing bondage gear such as leather wrist and leg cuffs and tying her to the bed as a way for her to ‘time-out’ and think about her bad behavior and how she’s going to improve in future. It’s even possible she may enjoy it. As I have learned from my time spent here, very many Filipina’s thoroughly enjoy being tied-up and put in forms of restraint bondage. I‘d never been interested in any sort of bondage prior to moving here; it just wasn’t part of my preferred repertoire. I’ve had to learn some new things since being here to satisfy a number of Filipina’s taste for the ‘unusual.’
It’s for certain that I, in advanced middle age, have been retrained by Filipina’s in the arts of fetish sex. Changing sure keeps things from becoming boring, if nothing else. Unlike in youth, when we know everything there is to know, I’ve since learned that I know very little, in the grand scheme of things, and am no longer so critical of others with different tastes and attitudes.
Both slapping and spanking are commonly used in the RP as a disciplinary tool between both parents and children and husbands and wives. Often you’ll find that spanking has been incorporated into a sexual pleasure, as well.
But, I’m getting into areas of “Let’s Get Physical: Two,” and so I’ll stop here.
The point is that it’s really up to you to learn how to both become an effective and responsible disciplinarian and how to train your wife to be a proper Filipina. You will never accomplish anything by being wishy-washy. Right now I think you are still looking at your wife’s behavior and her training needs through the eyes of a Westerner, and not by the ways of the Pinoy culture. That means when you bring your Honey Ko back to the Philippines to live, you’ll find yourself stuck with an Americunt but surrounded by submissive Filipina’s. Personally, I wouldn’t want to have that happen to me – the desire for what was all around me, added to the regret for what I had as a wife would be too much to bear.
You’re not doing yourself or Mahal a favor by not standing firm in your resolve to have your wife be a ‘proper’ Filipina wife.

Now, you wrote that you are giving Mahal “one more chance.” How many one more chances have you given her before? Rather than tell you what to do, let me offer alternative way of looking at the same problem. Using semantics:
A: “I’m giving you one more chance.”
B: “There are no more chances; that was your last one”
You’re saying the same thing, really, but the meaning is totally different.
“One more chance” is malleable in content rather than concrete and indicates the possibility for bending and reshaping the future, whereas, “no more chances” gives the impression of finality.
You tell her how you will be, “faithful… and always remain so”, but I don’t hear what she tells you, or what you demand of her. But what she tells you is unimportant; it’s actions that count. And it’s what you demand and how she responds that matters. It’s up to you to tell her how she will be. She will behave; she will be faithful; she will obey; she will submit to your authority; she will do what she’s told, when she’s told, and so forth. Those aren’t questions nor suggestions, leaving things open for her to interpret.
“Do these things or you’re out of here. Behave and obey as a proper Filipina or be thrown out.” It’s clear-cut with no ambiguity and no wiggle-room. If you want to be obeyed, you will have to present yourself to her with absolute authority and conviction. Anything less and you’re telling her you’re not really serious, and so there’s room for deviation.
I used (still do) the word ‘tolerate’ a good deal when I talked to Filipina’s, including Celine. “I won’t tolerate deception, even once.” “I won’t tolerate stealing or disobedience, or lying,” etc. ”If you do any of these things, I’ll throw you out and I won’t let you come back. That’s a promise, and a guarantee.” “You will either accept those terms or you will not be my woman – there’s no third choice.”
I kept my promise, and I threw out or threw away every Filipina that thought she could wiggle out of trouble or not get caught deceiving me. When I met Celine, the first talk I had with her included all I wrote above. I also told her that I was demanding and that I would dominate her and control her. I went so far as to tell her that she must give herself to me as property – that I would own her, so her obedience must be absolute. If she couldn’t accept that and serve me with total obedience, then she must go somewhere else. And there would be no trying to change things at some later time; I would own her for her lifetime and she would belong to me. Celine went homw to talk it over with her parents, They told her to do what she knew she thought best.
When Celine came to my house with her decision to be my woman, she verbally told me among other things, “I give myself to you as your property, and I belong to you completely.”
Celine later told me that because I told her those things, she knew that I would be strong, and that’s what she wanted – a strong and dominating man.
I’m not playing with words, nor fantasizing, or elaborating on what I told Celine - or what she told me. If anything I’m not telling all of what I said for the sake of brevity.
Celine has been faithful and completely obedient to me for over two years. We’ve never had a argument or a difference of opinion. She has obeyed me without questioning me once. So, instead of fighting to see who the boss will be, we laugh every single day and get along better than I ever dreamed I would with any woman. I’m satisfied beyond my wildest dreams.
Filipina’s are not Americunt’s, and their attitude, desires and needs are far different from Western females. They value and appreciate a man with a strong character.
Jim, in your message you wrote that you told Mahal… “I don't care what she does, as long as she is out of my house and life ASAP.” Then only a few hours later, you… “(perhaps foolishly) relented, and told her… all she has to do is to flush the garbage out of her mind, PERMANENTLY and never again make any such accusations!” You’re sending mixed signals to Mahal. On the one hand, it’s finished, but on the other hand you’ll relent if she can, “flush the garbage out of her mind.” Why should she? Did she the last time you told her that?
Falling back on the Western-style of relenting and non-demands won’t get you anything but more headaches.
I know you want to love you wife, but can you trust her to obey and behave? Do you think… have you considered whether she will be better or worse, or just the same once you both are living in the RP? You’re going to be facing some new and very formidable problems once you’re living here permanently. The worst of it is going to be Mahal’s need to show-off her status and wealth to those less fortunate relatives and friends. All returning Pinoy and Pinay get caught-up in that trap. Even when they don’t want to, the local people will try to force money and gifts out of her or be called “kuripot” – stingy.. If she doesn’t give, she’ll lose face – unless she can tell them that you forbade her to give anything. Believe me; you’re going to have a lot of things to forbid her to do back in the Philippines. Will she obey you then if she’s not trained to obey you now? Or will she go, “back to her old tricks again?”

Sometimes the best thing to do is admit defeat and start over. Yes, you’ll lose property and money, and perhaps the feeling that you somehow failed in your marriage. But is that worth being unhappy through the end-days of your life? Freeing your mind and spirit from problems and pain, in my humble opinion, is far more important. Haven’t you ever felt that exhilarating feeling of freedom and relief when you finally came to terms with yourself after anguishing over some hard decision? That time, as a young man, when you thought you would just die when your girlfriend broke up with you, but then realized what good fortune it turned out to be when you later met someone infinitely better? Doesn’t it feel wonderful when you make a definite decision, and then you know there’s no more agonizing? It’s not only uplifting but mentally and emotionally a freeing of the spirit.
When you finally tell your wife, “It’s my way or the highway,” so to speak, and mean it deep in your soul; you’ll know that calm feeling inside that says, “There’s no going back - and I feel great.”
Maybe that will be the moment you know that you own Mahal and your troubles with her are over. Or perhaps it will be when you know she and all her problems are now permanently in your past.
I’ve indicated to you numerous times that you don’t have to think like an American man; that there may never be another woman in your life and you don’t want to be lonely and that something is better than nothing. But I’ll say it again: there are many thousands of beautiful, young and firm Filipina’s that would gladly strangle Mahal for a chance to be your woman. Notice I didn’t say “wife.” There’s something very liberating in knowing that. You aren’t dependent on or defined by your American wife. And if I can winnow through the greedy, bad-seed Filipina’s and find Celine in two years, it’s also possible for you. Besides, it was fun going through more than 2-dozen young Filipina as I searched for Celine. There is definitely a form of happiness in variety for a middle-aged man – angst and trauma free of youthful needing-to-be-loved.

Going to the Philippines and meeting the Honey Ko you’ve met online or through the mail, and meeting her parents, and learning about their situation isn’t going to teach you much. Time is the great teacher. The parents, 99-out of-100 times, are going to be poor, and you most likely won’t be able to talk to them anyway because of language differences. The only thing you need to do is to tell everyone that you won’t support anyone but your Honey Ko, and that you expect Honey Ko to obey and protect you completely and totally. “Obey and protect me or go somewhere else.” Everything else is simply chaff in the wind.
“What will I do now,” Mahal queried?
“Obey or get out and find you own way,” one might say. Case closed.
As for Mahal’s children and your lamentations on their lack of involvement and protecting you - you have a lot to learn about the Pinoy way. Most Pinoy care about today - tomorrow or ten years from now is a long way off, and their not going to waste time thinking about that. You also wrote, “To give them credit, they haven't asked for money to get the job done, at least up to now.” I beg to differ; but that’s exactly what they’ve been doing. When they wrote, “It's a long way from Pagadian, and I only have a motorcycle, and it's raining, and I don't have the money for gas, and I have a lot to do at home, etc. etc. etc...," they were telling you, in the Pinoy way, “If you want me to do anything you’re going to have to pay me to do it.” Like I said before, you have a lot to learn about Pinoy culture. You just learned something new. Nothing will ever be done for you unless you pay. They don’t care if their inheritance is burned to the ground – they’ll take your land later: they want your money now! Welcome to the Philippines!
You can fly there if you want to, but as soon as you fly back out everything will go back to the way it was. The only way to stop the stealing and destruction of your coconut trees is to live there and protect it yourself. The police won’t do anything. They’re probably extracting a bribe to allow it. And since you aren’t going to move there for a few more years, I suggest getting over it so your blood pressure can normalize.
Write to the children and tell them you’re going to allow their uncle to steal and destroy everything, and when you get there you’re going to sell the property, even if it's at a loss, and they will get nothing from you – that since they don’t care about protecting you, you aren’t going to protect or support them. Then see what happens. But don’t say it and later not keep your promise.
Philosophically speaking, when it comes to property, don’t buy anything you’re not willing to give away, because you’re probably going to lose it anyway, either to your Filipina or through theft.
It’s nice to be nice, and it’s nice to be kind. But neither of those ideals works here. Most especially when there’s a foreigner in the mix. “He’s only a foreigner; we have to protect each other,” is an all-too-common phrase in the RP. Only strength works in the Philippines. Not mean or violent strength, but a strong will and a strong constitution. Show weakness or a willingness to be manipulated to your Filipina, her relatives, authorities or neighbors and they’ll eat you alive. It’s just the way it works. Accept that and be happy. Try to change it and you’ll end in tears.
When in Rome, do as the Roman’s do, and you’ll survive just fine.
You’ll do what you feel you need to do concerning Mahal. Follow my suggestions or not. It’s for you to decide. But, whatever you do, do it from a position of strength from within yourself. And always keep your promises.

Thanks for writing again to ETP and keeping me and my readers abreast of your on-going saga. I’m sure it will be a help to those that will eventually move here to live. Keep writing us.
Good fortune to you, Jim.
Rik - ETP

Kubo house. Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Anemone clown fish. Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Saline loving tree. Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Bahay kubo house. Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Stung In The Jollibee

I’m sorry, faithful readers; I’ve been involved with other things and have been neglecting my blog… and you. I’m still working on “Let’s Get Physical: Part Two” and will have it on the blog soon. But I just I had to offer this true tale to you now, however, before the details slipped my mind.
Here’s a story of warning and a knock on your funny-bone at the same time. It happened just today: 08-09-05. It should provide an important lesson to all you guys who’ve fallen in lust, uh, love with your Filipina over the Internet, by mail or phone, and are in a big hurry to get your Filipina into your life and into your bed, and so have convinced yourselves that your Honey Ko is wonderful and honest and true. Chances are at least 50/50 that you’re not getting the girl of your dreams you think you are.

What is a Jollibee?
Jollibee is the franchise name of a Pinoy fast-food store like McDonald’s, offering hamburgers, fries, chicken, and pig: mostly things with rice and soy sauce added.

Celine’s 17-year-old, 5-month pregnant sister, Rebecca, came down from the mountains yesterday to go to the local provincial hospital for a check-up and tests. She spent the night with us, and this morning Celine accompanied her to the hospital as her companion. Remember ‘companions’ from earlier writings?
They saw a friend who was a patient at the hospital. She asked Rebecca to go to the Jollibee and buy her a couple pieces of Chicken Joy, and bring it back to the hospital for her to eat. Rebecca had never been in a Jollibee – or any other fast-food place – before and asked Celine to go along because Rebecca didn’t think she would know how to order the food and was afraid to try. I had taken Celine to Jollibee once before so she could learn what crap the food was, and eliminate any desire to eat American-style fatty-foods. It worked, as we’ve never been back. We eat mostly vegetarian-style.
A Love Story: Short May It Last
Celine told me the story this way, translated from Taglish (Tagalog/English) so you will understand it:
“When we got to the Jollibee the restaurant was almost full – mostly with college students. Rebecca and I ordered our friend’s food, and we both bought a glass of pineapple juice to drink while we sat at a table to wait for the to-go food to be brought to us. While we were sitting there I noticed a group of eight or more people gathered together only a few feet from us and just in front of our table. My attention was drawn by them because of the loud laughter and the American English being spoken by the one foreigner in the group. I first noticed that the table was overflowing with food, and I then saw that one of the women was sneaking a sizeable amount of food into her large purse when she thought no one was looking. The American man was ordering still more food and encouraging the others to order more, also. So why was that woman stealing his food, I wondered? I pointed it out to Rebecca, and we were both curious as to what was going on, so we watched the party.
“Shortly, another woman entered the Jollybee, saw the group and went over to them. The woman apologized for missing the wedding, and learning where they were, came to congratulate the bride and groom on their marriage that was performed only hours before by a judge at the City Hall. It became obvious to me that the American man had just married one of the Filipina’s present. But which one? I wondered which one might be his wife because, on one side of the man was a Filipino man, and on the other side of him was a woman who was being touched on her waist and butt in a very intimate way by a Filipino seated on her other side. Surreptitiously, the Pinoy was rubbing his hand up and down on the new bride’s ‘pwit ‘(ass). It’s not something one would expect a new bride to allow from someone other than the groom.
“The woman who just arrived was giving her attention to the woman at the foreigner’s side and it was apparent that she was in fact the man’s new bride. So why, I wondered with disgust, was she allowing that Pinoy to touch her in that way?
“I turned to Rebecca and asked her, “”Do you see what that man’s doing?”” Rebecca nodded that she also had seen. We became aware at that time that the students at the tables on each side of us were also watching what the Pinoy man was doing, and were quietly discussing it.
“I was becoming more and more disgusted and upset with that woman, as I realized that she was obviously marrying that man for his money and, to add insult to injury, she had even brought her boyfriend along to the wedding and then to the meal. How low and shameful can this woman be, I thought to myself? That poor man; he was so happy with his new bride – only married for a few hours and already being humiliated and mistreated by his Filipina. I felt so sorry for that man – and was so angry with her!
“I decided it was none of my business. But I just couldn’t stand to see her shame all of we Filipina’s with such horrible behavior. Before I knew I was making a sound I suddenly heard myself saying “”Yuck!”” out loud.
““This woman, she just let that man touch her pwit. And she just got married today. Her husband is right in front of her.””

The man and woman heard what Celine and turned around and said to her, in Tagalog, “What do you care? We’re all Filipino’s; we need to protect each other. He’s a just a foreigner.”
“Yeah, I know he’s a foreigner,” replied Celine, also in Tagalog, “but he’s still a human; he’s not an animal. Maybe you’re an animal, not a human, because you do that right in front of him. He’s treating you good. And that’s the way you repay him?
The American man could tell that the words being spoken between Celine and the bride and her boyfriend were words of anger. He also recognized the word ‘animal,’ which is the same though with emphasis on different syllables. He asked his new bride, “What’s she saying? Why’s she so angry? Why is she calling that man an animal? Does she know you?” He looked at Celine.
Celine told him, “Ask to them why that man is touching the pwit of that woman, your new wife. I overheard that you just got married to her today, and yet she’s allowing that man there to touch her butt in a very intimate way.”
The American man looked to his wife: “Who is that woman (Celine), and who did you say that man is? “
The woman said “I don’t know who this woman is, but maybe she’s just jealous because she heard that we’re just married. Maybe she’s just trying to steal you away from me.”
Celine spoke indignantly, “I don’t need to steal your husband away from you. I have my own husband, and he’s also an American man.”
The American man, suspicion rising within him spoke more forcefully to his new bride. Pointing to the boyfriend: “Who is he again?”
The bride was nervous and said, “He’s my boyfr… he’s my cousin.” Oops!
A boy of about 10-years of age, who was part of the group, spoke proudly - wanting to show off his English speaking skills, “It’s her boyfriend. He’s always in our house.” The blushing bride gave the boy a sharp look get him to shut his mouth. But it was too late, and now the new husband was all too aware that he had been chosen to play the fool in his new bride’s charade.
The American man jumped up and grabbed his bride by her upper arm, clamping down hard, and pulled her up out of the chair. “Come with me - let’s talk,” he snapped, and forcefully dragged her towards the bathroom.
“Please don’t pull me. I’m just going to follow you,” gasped the embarrassed and frightened bride.
Once in the bathroom with the door closed loud shouting accompanied by a female voice pleading emanated out to the eating area. The bride could be heard repeating , “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
The whole restaurant could hear the argument, and naturally everyone was highly interested and speculating whether the woman would be beaten – perhaps even killed – which the woman would have certainly deserved.
The manager was concerned, and sent the guard to the bathroom door. He knocked and said, “Sir, will you open the door?”
The American replied, “Just stay away; I’m not going to kill this woman.”
The guard said, “Please, sir, just don’t make loud noises.”
Meanwhile, Celine and Rebecca were still sitting at their table.
The brides’ mother was enraged at Celine and said to her, “Why did you tell that to the foreigner? Why do you care?”
“Of course I care,” retorted Celine. “I have a foreign husband, too. I’d never do something like that to him. That husband of your daughter doesn’t deserve to be treated like that by her. That’s why lots of foreigner’s, after they get married to a Filipina, they say that Filipina’s are bitches or are crazy. That’s not what your daughter should do to him. He’d give her a good life, be kind to her, take care of her, and feed her. Why should she behave so badly to him?”
The brides’ mother snapped, “If that man separates from my daughter, you’ll ruin the life of my daughter.”
Celine looked at her. “I’m not the one to ruin her life. You, and her, are the cause of her ruin - because you know that boyfriend was touching her pwit. You saw her. I saw you looking and seeing while that man was touching her. You know that that man is her boyfriend. What kind of a mother are you that it’s all right for you that the boyfriend touches her pwit in front of her new husband?
“What do you care? If they separate, I’m going to curse you that you’ll suffer,” hissed the mother.
Celine laughed at the mother. “Be careful who you’re cursing. Make sure that it’s me, and not you, old woman”
The mother remained irate. “You didn’t need to tell that in front of the husband.”
“Why not? You’re right there. You’re the mother. That’s your new son-in-law. Why didn’t you tell to the boyfriend not to touch the pwit of your daughter; that he had no right to touch her pwit. She’s married now.”
A woman in her late forties, who was sitting and observing the argument at another table, spoke up. “If that’s my daughter, I’m gonna smack that daughter in front of the foreigner. How could you sit there like that and do nothing? You know that daughter is cheating in front of that foreigner. You should be protecting him”
The mother of the bride sat silently embarrassed and humiliated while everyone in the room looked at her. Most of the customers – the students most loudly of all - were saying things such as, “Oh, my God, I can’t imagine what that woman did. Maybe she’s a whore or a prostitute – why she’d do that in front of the husband.”
The mother-in-law couldn’t stand it any longer. “I’m gonna go from here.” She got up and left the restaurant.
The rest of the family and friends sat at the table looking around at the people looking at them and talking about what kind of no-good people they must be. The humiliation was just too much for them to bear, and they hung their heads.
Now, another older female customer spoke up, addressing Celine. “Better you have the courage to tell that man what you saw. Maybe that man is going to divorce her.”
Celine answered, “I could not stand just watching and doing nothing. I’m thinking that, “Oooh, one day that husband is going to learn what that wife is doing. It’s just in my thoughts. But then my mouth could not shut-up.”
All the people in the Jollibee laughed at that while adding their own vocal thoughts such as, “What kind of a woman is that bride? What kind of mother let’s her daughter behave so badly?”
Celine and Rebecca sat listening to the yelling from the bathroom a while longer. The party members sat quietly, embarrassed, heads still bent down and looking at the table. Then, one by one, they got up and left the Jollibee. The only one who stayed was the boyfriend – no doubt to protect his girlfriend from her husband, or perhaps to escort her home if the man threw her away.
Celine and Rebecca decided to leave before the man and woman came out of the bathroom. Celine said she didn’t want to see the face of that woman when she came out, because she knew when the bride emerged, everyone in that Jollibee would become deathly quiet and stare at her with a soft background noise of chika-chika (gossip).
When they were outside, Rebecca said, “I wanted to stay and to know what’s going on in the bathroom. And I want to see her face when she comes out. I want to see, also, what that woman would do to you if we were still there.”
Celine told Rebecca, “I don’t want trouble and I don’t want attention from the other people looking at me. You know if we wait here that woman is just going to want to fight with me. I don’t want trouble.” They went back to the hospital to give the take-out food to their friend.

What you, the reader, should understand clearly is what happened to the American in the story wasn’t an isolated or unique event. That scene is played-out most everyday somewhere in the Philippines. It could well be you being prepared by your Honey Ko to be the next victim of the same scam, as I write this. This story should open your eyes and, I hope, make you think before you leap blindly into a quick marriage.
There are plenty of private detectives all over the Philippines, and the charge very little for their services. I recommend to you that you avail yourself of a detective’s services before you come here to meet your Filipina girlfriend. If you find out she has a boyfriend or husband, or is just running a scam of some other sort on you, you’ll spend far, far less money on the detective than it would cost you to fly over here and pay for food and lodging and the expenses of ‘treating’ Honey Ko and her family.
You just cannot be too careful. There are more scams than you can possibly think of being run by some very crafty Filipina’s. Be smart… be careful… then be happy.

There will virtually never be a person like Celine to step in and save you. What Celine did took real courage and guts. It certainly wasn’t the typical reaction of a Pinay to go against another Pinay. Although many other women and girls saw and understood what that family was doing to that poor American man, not one of them besides Celine would have said one word to help the American. It was only Celine’s outrage and her speaking-out as she did that gave the others courage to join-in.
I can’t begin to tell you how fortunate I am to have such a fine Filipina woman not only protecting me, but other foreigner’s, as well. I like to think it’s because of the Buddhist morals and philosophy I have been teaching to Celine that has been a contributing factor in her current behavior and character. Perhaps, maybe, but I think it has to do with her father’s teachings, as well, which were unorthodox from typical Pinoy culture. And then, it also has to do with Celine true inner-nature. Maybe it’s a combination of all those things.
For me - I don’t steal, cheat, rarely lie and highly value honesty, and I won’t tolerate that behavior in others. I’ve taught Celine continuously through stories and actions that there is a higher way to live – with respect for self and others. She’s either an excellent student or she’s uncommonly intuitive. Whatever it is, I am reaping the wonderful benefits of her beautiful character and personality.

Jollibee. Pinoy burger joint Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Imelda's Dream Shoe Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Ocean-front property Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Yakan Bride Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Young Filipina Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge

Night Lights Posted by Picasa Click to enlarge